I think the worst reaction to us finding out our daughter had T1D was my mother questioning us like we had caused it. Type 1 and Type 2 are pretty different. Type 2 was what I was on the way to being when I didn’t take care of myself and gorged too much on unhealthy foods and sugary drinks. Those with Type 2 can usually still produce some insulin, they just need help.
Type 1, on the other hand, is insulin dependent until someone finds a cure. Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disease where one’s immune system mistakenly attacks the pancreas and destroys what normally produces insulin in the body. The real shitty part about T1D (besides that it exists) is that there’s normally a “honeymoon” period where the body produces the last of its insulin and then things get a little crazy once the pancreas is done.
We were lucky, I guess, that my wife had people in her family that had been diagnosed with T1D. My wife carries it and I think somewhere deep down she knew it was a possibility, but what can you do but hope, right? My mother-in-law saw the first signs and we took our daughter in shortly after. I remember everyone telling us we did good because most kids come in and are diagnosed when they are in really bad shape.
Hearing that never made me feel any better. Thinking about it still makes me sad. Grateful, I guess is the better word for it, but definitely not lucky. But I guess it could be worse, right? It could have been fatal and we could have lost our daughter. That’s something I try to tell myself sometimes when I feel defeated and sad.
There is a lot more about T1D that I could go on about but the JDRF has tons of info and can definitely put it into better words than I can. Please pay attention to the signs, especially if it runs in your family.
October 2018 was a rough month. Besides the fact that we were in the middle of buying/selling a house and the fact that I always struggle at the beginning of the month, life changed completely. Our daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It sucked, the four days we spent in the hospital were trying on us but especially on our daughter. She was only four and suddenly everything she knew was changing.
It’s been just under a year and although I have learned a lot, I feel like there’s still so much to learn about T1D. Every day is different- some good and some absolutely chaotic. I wish I could tell you I have all the answers, but I don’t. And maybe that’s why I’m here now, writing this. I want others to understand that somedays it’s okay to be mentally and emotionally exhausted. Somedays it is okay to cry and be frustrated about the normalcy your child will probably never know.
Writing helps me personally to work through things and maybe by posting about my daughter and her struggles (and ours), I can help someone else out. Or maybe get some support from someone who has dealt with it longer. I don’t know- I should be asleep but I’ve been trying to figure out how to better deal with the sudden intensity of my daughter’s tantrums. I got lost down a black hole in the Internet and did not end up in a good place. So, any thoughts or ideas anyone?
The world slows for split second
You lose control of your body
Everything goes quiet
But there’s so much noise around
The world continues to move
The panic and chaos sets in
What damage is done?
Who has been hurt?
What happens next?
You’ve stopped moving
But your mind is racing
What just happened?
“I am still here”
The words etched on an old bathroom wall
Several drinks throughout the night
Everything began to get fuzzy
I clumsily shuffled through crowds and doors
And found myself looking at those words again and again
There was something sober about the etching
Who did it and what did it mean?
Out of all the names and dates scratched onto the walls
There was one bold statement
In the most strange of places
“I AM STILL HERE”
And I wish I had the means to pen
“And lives are better because of it”
Two attempts at poetry.
Nothing completed. Feeling eh about them but my goal is to slowly ease myself back into writing. So, here’s a couple beginnings. The first is titled Spark and the second doesn’t have a title but was my attempt at writing something about family. Let me know what you think!
It starts as a spark
A shimmering sizzle seeking to shine
You close your eyes
To evade the eventual eruption to come
It starts as a hope
That transcends into a dream
A dream that giants perceive
As a minute thing
The silver band around her finger glimmers in the sun
The image in the background features her in my arms
The couple in the picture seems so foreign
The woman I see is so beyond me
Her eyes shine as she smiles
My skin tingles as she caresses me
I have been trying to write for what feels like forever. There’s this big invisible wall between me and the words. So, I need some help. Please send random word prompts. Funny, serious, whatever. I will gladly do them and post them up here. And hopefully that will spark the inspiration to return.
I won’t lie, I was super stoked to see the Tomb Raider film this weekend. I am a huge fan of the video game series, both the original and the reboot. Of course I had to see the new movie.
I enjoyed it. I really did. They cast an awesome lead, who not only looked the part, but is also a long-time Tomb Raider fan. My wife teased me during the movie when I made a big deal about how Alicia Vikander got the”movements” of the character right. If you want to see an action movie with a badass chick as the lead, definitely go see this movie.
But don’t go watch it as a gamer.
I almost fell into that trap while watching the movie and afterwards when I started to replay the 2013 reboot of the games. No, the movie is not exactly like the game. No, it probably isn’t even close. There were a lot of things I was hoping to see in the film version that were missing because the film went in a different direction. I started to get a little frustrated about it but then I had to rememeber the movie isn’t just made for people like me- the hardcore Tomb Raider fan from the beginning of Lara Croft.
The movie serves as a good introduction to Tomb Raider for people not sure familar with the game or those who haven’t seen the original films. My hope is someone sees it and decides they want to try out the game, so they can experience a more in-depth version of the story. My hope is that we continue to get more badass women role models like Lara Croft in our entertainment. And I hope this inspires more gamers to get into film because we need more video game movies from people who actually know video games.
So go see Tomb Raider. Give money to Square Enix and let them make a another film so video games get positive media exposure and more people want to play them.
Over the weekend, the wife and I finally watched the two Kingsman movies. If you haven’t watched either of them, you’re missing out. The story, the characters, the cast- all excellent. I was surprised to see Colin Firth, the guy from Bridget Jones Diary, kicking some was. Then there was Samuel L. Jackson playing a villain with a bad lisp. I didn’t know I needed that in my life until we watched the movie. It is a blend of silly and serious and the second movie is just as great as the first. If you have a few hours to spare, check out both of the Kingsman movies- you will not be disappointed.
Kingsman: The Secret Service IMDB Page
Kingsman: The Secret Service Trailer
New Year, New You
At least that’s what they say
Imagine it, if you will,
You start fresh every January 1st
A new person with a new life
Everyone always wants to be a new person
Why not redefine the life you’re living
You are you and I am me
But I’ll toast to better decisions than in 2017
Every year I make the mistake of making New That’s resolutions. I call into the trend and make a list of everything I want to accomplish for the year. Why should a specific day signal a dramatic change from not-so-productive to super productive? Why should I feel obligated to do something in January that I wouldn’t do in December?
Okay, December is a crazy time at my job. Nothing gets done in December, but anyway. Maybe I’ll wait until February to make my demands of myself. Or maybe I won’t and just do my thing.
Has a good ring to it.