Time does wonders.
They say time can heal a broken heart. Time can soothe the pain of losing a loved one. Time allows us to have second and third chances at making right the mistakes we finding ourselves claiming. But sometimes time makes us forget. It repeats again and again and causes our brains to curse the routine.
I have been trapped in my own routine. One of knowing I have found the person I love and taking advantage of every moment as if her love is not worth fighting for.
Love is always worth fighting for- even once you obtain it.
She always told me to fight for what matters and for a year or so, I fought hard for her. I persisted through her fear and doubt of having feelings for another woman. I would strive through an on and off cycle of silly decisions and seeking the wrong companions to replace the only person I truly wanted.
I almost lost her to my stupidity several times. Some days I feel that I will lose her. She will go and I will have lost one of the two most important people in my life.
You fight for the things that matter. And when you succeed in that battle, you continue to fight in other ways to keep those things that mean the most. Because you never give up on what you’re passionate about.
Funny how it takes a moment in time. A glimpse into someone else’s life, although fictional, and see the troubles in yourself.
I am not perfect. I am not special. My love story, no matter how great and spectacular it may seem to me, still takes work and time.
I choose to fight.
I may make mistakes starting out- trying to reclaim that fight that once so easily came to me. But I know it’s there- I feel it when I stop, take a breath, and stop consuming myself with busy thoughts. I still see her on that cool March night. Her smile in the dark, only lit by the porch light of my home. I still feel those butterflies inside- that feeling of flying both so terrifying and exciting. And the way she held me close before softly pressing her lips against mine.
I have said I would remember moments for the rest of my life. This has been the clearest memory in my nearly twenty five years of life. I remember that night and my heart races and threatens to fly right out of my chest.
Why have I let myself become dull in my love? Why do I not understand every touch and kiss and sweet word is still worth cherishing and making count?
I want that night back. I want that moment of time that freezes just for us. I want my love to be what it once was and so I must take that step, and as many more as is needed.
And I hope time will be on my side.