Heroes

When I was in high school, I wrote an essay for college about someone I considered to be a hero. At the time, I wrote about one of my classmates who pushed me to be a better person and student simply by existing and always being nice to me even though I was this weird girl who was always too nervous to talk to her due to this crush I had on her at the time. At that age, I gave up on religion because I didn’t understand how I could be damned for the way I felt when it was something I was born with and could not change no matter how much I tried. She was religious and probably knew (everyone knew) that I was in the closet but she accepted me as an equal and even went as far as hanging out with me a couple of times. She was always and still is a great person- friendly, always willing to help people and do things for the greater good, and never judgemental- the list goes on. After high school, I texted her out of the blue when I was upset about my father’s cancer getting worse and she responded and made me feel better about the situation. She could have just ignored me, but she didn’t.

Today, she is still someone who inspires me to be better even though we never talk or communicate much on Facebook.

I have always wanted to be a hero. When I was younger, I wanted to be a superhero and today, I just want to be the real-life kind of hero. My dad was a hero because he protected and provided for his family. My wife is a hero in the same sense and in other ways. Another friend of mine came out as transgendered and has recently transistioned into the person he feels he was meant to be. He’s my hero, too, for being so brave despite how cruel this world can be to people like him and for loving and believing in himself.

I see my daughter each day and some of those days I wonder if I will be her hero. Will she look to me as a role model and be inspired to be strong, brave, and selfless? Or will my short-comings disappoint her?

A hero is someone strong and confident. I know I am not always strong but in fewer instances, I find myself confident in my abilities and myself. I overindulge in things I do not need and I fail to give the right attention to the things that deserve it.

I need a change. I need to silence the negativity in my mind and make myself into a person my daughter can one day call her hero.

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