I love Halloween. It’s probably my favorite holiday and October is a month-long excuse to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas again and again. But once October begins, the glee of the end of the month subsides for a couple a days. Six years ago, my father passed away from cancer and although that was in February, his birthday falls on October 4. The fourth happens to fall on a Wednesday, which is the start of my work week and usually the most crazy and busiest day of the week.
On top of the hectic day at work I will probably have that day, working on publishing my short story collection is bringing up emotions from six years ago. I chose to include short stories about my dad because they are a couple of my favorites. But proofreading and editing them does not make the pain any less, or bring me back to all of my feelings.
About a week or so ago at work, I heard a song that I had been listening to around the time my father passed. It was a song I used to be able to listen to all the time, one of my favorites. But now listening to it is a challenge of hearing the words and not remembering how much they remind me of that day,
I don’t exactly work at a chill job. Taking a few minutes to compose myself and my feelings is something that is only possible at certain times of the days. So, I took a couple of seconds to take a breath and push the song out of my mind and move on with my crazy day.
As much as I still hurt thinking about my dad and what happened, I want to be able to honor his memory the only way I know I can. By telling stories, both in writing and in person about his better moments before the cancer transformed him into the shell of the person he once was.
Trying to keep that in mind, I’m trying to overcome that sad part of October that hits me hard every year.
Year six, with so many more to go.