Learning by Being an Example

I see it happening around me a lot more than I should. One of my pet peeves, even before the birth of our daughter, was parents who either were not good parents or we’re not good role models. Yes, it maybe a little harsh but the truth is the truth. Don’t display the manners you don’t want your children to pick up on and have as they grow. However, you do not have to be a terrible parent for that truth to apply to you.
As a still new parent, I have many things I still need to learn.
Put lotion on the peanut after her bath.
Make sure to know where a binky is at all times.
Always have more patience than you think necessary and have more than that.
I don’t have the best relationship with my mother. It has struggled more in the past few years because of who I am and who I love. But she is still my family and family is important.
I have a fear the peanut will grow to not respect me as a parent because I am not blood to her.
I chose not to have a relationship anymore with my mother because it was not convenient for me. So, who can say I do not deserve the same intolerance from my child?
I have a lot to learn and changes to make. And I will work on them for the sake of my daughter not inheriting negative mannerisms from me.


Four Weeks

Tomorrow will mark our peanut being four weeks old. We are still in the process of getting her on a stable sleeping schedule, which is okay since we still have another month before we go back home and my love starts working again. It definitely feels like the time is flying by. Next thing I know, she’s going to start talking. She’s starting to get into a crawling position- I think she just needs to figure out how to use her arms to keep herself up.

I’m trying to come up with a compilation of lullabies to sing to her but I don’t really want to sing the typical songs to her. I would rather find songs from music I like listening to. So far, I have one picked out. I’ll post it below. Any suggestion would be nice- I like listening to most genres, like rock, country, pop, punk, alternative, musical- so a little bit of everything.

In other news, Lightning Returns is still an awesome game and I am enjoying running around dressed as Cloud. Still workiing on my short story collection (very slowly) and a novel from a series I’ve been working on for some years now.

Also, Rizzoli and Isles is back on for the end of season 4- I am very happy about this news and you should be, too.

The Peanut

My mother had called me about a week or so ago asking about how well I was doing as a new parent. Because, besides being woken up every hour or so at night, taking care of a newborn baby is so hard.
That’s sarcasm.
Yes, you can’t get a full night of sleep. Yes, your whole day now revolves around someone else besides yourself. Yes, you may have to suddenly leave that Call of Duty match to feed or change your child.
Still- I don’t understand the horror stories.
Maybe it’s because I’ve only been a parent for two weeks, or maybe because our child was not “accidentally” conceived.
I have met a mother willing to sign away her rights to a child barely a few months old- she has yet to go through with it, thankfully.
I have had a friend who would play on Facebook all day and bitch at her children if they made too much noise playing.
The second of the two, for reasons unknown to me, wants to have another child.
Anyway, the point of this rant is that having and raising children is difficult. You won’t always get the sleep you want- at least for the first handful of years or so. And your time isn’t just yours anymore. These two things and probably more were things I understood when my wife and I planned to have our daughter.
And I get it will get harder in the coming years- teething, potty training, making a set bedtime, and everything else. But how awesome of a parent are you once you survive all that and eventually make an upstanding citizen and person out of that child?
I personally look forward to all the moments of raising The Peanut- challenging and non. And I dare someone to ever try to tell me I don’t deserve to raise a child in my home because she doesn’t have a father and mother. My child was planned, wanted, and created with the upmost love and will be raised with that love and much more.

The Beginning

This would probably fall under tomorrow’s topic perfectly but it’s pretty much past midnight everywhere else in the states so here goes.
Today was the day- finally our baby girl was born. After a long night and day of preparing my love to have our baby, she finally came. It was a tough day and it was extremely terrifying. Imagine waiting almost a year for something and it doesn’t work out. Something going wrong was a big worry of mine, but my wife was in good hands.
Now, nearly 24 hours after the whole process started, Momma and baby are okay and ready for some sleep. Today has been both one of the most terrifying and happiest days of my life.
I am extremely grateful that everything worked out today. And I’m grateful for friends and her family, who have been supportive of us and our decision to bring another human being into the world.
I look forward to raising our Ella and learning the many lessons of parenthood.


Today was supposed to be the day but it appears she has other plans. I shake my head at the people who cursed us by saying she would be late. The anxiety is killing me- if only there were 100 percent accurate countdowns for this type of thing.
Our daughter is due to come anytime now.
Unfortunately, it’s unclear when.
The closer it gets, the longer it seems to take.
So I’m going to cross my fingers and hope tomorrow’s the day.

First-Time Mom Friday – High School

I have been doing a lot of remembering and thinking about high school. This is most likely, 99.9% likely, due to the fact I have been watching Awkward. almost daily to catch myself up to the new season. Today, my thoughts of a memory best long gone far away mixed with my ideas of who I hope our peanut will be in the future. Although it would make me super proud for her to be a genius and child prodigy who will provide us with a rich retirement, I think it would be best to set my expectations to a more realistic setting.

I was not one to be envious of when it came to high school. I was smart- top ten smart- and I posted some witty opinion articles in the school newspaper that often got me little recognition. Mostly because I was pretty invisible to half my grade and most of all others. I am proud of my few achievements because I had done something because despite me being completely anti-social, I was trying to expand my social circles (A for effort, but C- for execution).

I hope for my daughter to not be as awkward as I was in school and since she will be a mini of my love, I probably won’t have to worry about that. I hope she joins all the clubs she wants, plays a sport or two if that’s her thing, go to events, have friends and fun, and be the person she wants to be.

I once or twice had that thought of what school would be like if I had a redo. I would be more like myself today. I wish I would have embraced my differences and my sexuality and overall awesomeness. School would have been so much more interesting. But, from first-hand experience, I know school and society often makes it hard for one to feel safe with expressing their own individuality. And unfortunately, that era probably won’t be over when our daughter begins going to school. But even if she is doomed to face some challenges with school and growing up, she’ll have the support of her parents who know all too well about society and the hardships of not fitting the mold.

November 11, 2013: Molding Poetry Monday- Bump

I was avoiding this post all day since my poetry writing sometimes lacks or fails completely if I’m not in my “poetry mood” of the year. I thought long and hard about what I would write about, but then the answer came to me pretty simply. I have a routine every night of cuddling with my wife and laying my arm across her stomach. And, as I’m about to fall asleep, I feel our daughter kicking at my arm for a few minutes before I either fall asleep or she settles. so, here is my poem dedicated to my nightly routine with our peanut.


Bump, bump, bump-

My hand resting against her belly.

Slumber nearly successful in overcoming me then

Poke, poke, poke-

I wonder if you know my voice,

Or can recognize my palm as you kick and prod it.

Bump, bump-

My hand, intruding on your space,

Becomes familiar once again.


The movement slows as sleep returns once more.

November 08, 2013 – First-time Mom Friday

I am not one to really to the watch the news- it’s usually super depressing. I mean, I try to keep up with LGBT issues in the news but as for the morning or nightly news- neh. But occasionally it finds me, like the other night. Today, the big problem with kids and teenagers these days is sexting. When I was younger, I had no cell phone or laptop or tablet. My first cell phone came to me in 10th grade and it was a flip-phone. My first iPhone was one I bought myself less than three years. Sure, we had the home computer and messaging services like AIM and Yahoo! Messenger, but back then my mind knew nothing of sending dirty pictures or messages to others.

And now it has become a nationwide epidemic. Even kindergarten children are being caught sending private texts- what the hell is going on in society these days? I worry about my daughter growing up in today’s world. My love has similar worries- she asked me once if we could home school the peanut. Funny how when you’re younger, you don’t think about all of the scary things that can happen to you on any given day, but once you’re about to have one of your own, you think of everything and it’s terrifying.

Sending pictures of under-aged children is a crime, which is something that parents had never to talk to their children about when I was younger. At least, not that I know of. How do you begin to have that conversation?

I don’t know.

I hope I never have to confront her about an issue like that, but we already live in a different world than the one I remember growing up in.