Politics

I’m not really big on politics. I’ll be te last person to tell you so-and-so should be the next President because that is a statement I have no support for as I ignore the elections. I have long since learned its all a big poularity contest and the right person for the job doesn’t always win. What I do know is the person who became President a couple of days ago is a joke- a reality TV star. Millions of people protested around the world because those people understand how ridiculous this all is.

I wouldn’t care much about it. Except for the fact that any utterance of LGBT rights disappeared from the White House webpage and now Republicans in Texas are trying reverse same-sex marriage spousal rights. I’m sure some people will tell me I’m worried about nothing. But little things like this do worry me. The past decade has seen lots of progress for not only LGBT rights, but human rights as well. 

But now that someone seemingly (or actually literally) with no regard or compassion towards minorities, women, etc, is in charge, our last line of defense is not someone in power. It’s American citizens. Yesterday showed me that if my rights become threatened, there are a number of people who will help fight to protect them.

But still, I worry if that will be enough..

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Toddler vs. Kitten

I noticed last night that my daughter has gotten very clingy to me in the past few days, mostly at home. Before she turned two, she had a quite long streak of being Mommy’s baby, but recently she is almost always about her Momma.

But then we got a kitty and since he is technically mine (although I qualify him as the first family pet), I give him a lot of love.

Last night, I was sitting on the couch and my daughter had to sit next to/literary on top of me. I suggested she sit next to my wife because the other side of the couch had more space. To which, she replied, “No sit Momma”. The next incident was when I was setting up the laptop to stream to our TV. I picked up Toothless and held him while I stood and waited for my Internet to stop going slow. My daughter wanted me to hand her the kitty, so she could walk it to my wife on the couch. And then, the toddler that never lets me carry her at any store anymore wanted me to pick her up and hold her.

I can only imagine how she might act when we have another child. I’m hoping by then she is more content with sharing her parents.

Steak, Wine, and My Little Pony

My daughter wanted another cookie when we got home. When I told her she had to have dinner first, she acted like a normal child in their terrible-two’s and had a meltdown. So now I’m watching My Little Pony with her so she would eat her awesome steak that my wife made. She has her ponies and I have my wine.

It’s been an emotional couple of days for me and I’m not apologizing for my never-ending reblogs about Orlando but something serious happened and it’s a problem. It isn’t just an LGBT problem or a Florida problem, it’s an America problem and a human one. Something needs to change.

But since I have a big glass of wine entering my system, I’m going to try being more lively.

I spent the 15 minutes before eating my steak trying to locate Twilight Sparkle. I thought My Little Pony wouldn’t still be a thing when my daughter was old enough to care but she loves it. And now I can name an unnecessary amount of ponies and feel obligated to buy my daughter Pony figures

My wife and I have this weird thing about deciding which girl in our daughter’s shows is the lesbian. In Octonauts, we agreed it was Tweak the techy bunny. In My Little Pony, I would say either Rainbow Dash or Applejack. These are the things parents do to survive children shows, especially when you watch all of the episodes multiple times.

Being a parent is a crazy experience. You find yourself doing some strange shit you never would have done pre-child. Life is strange.

I’m starting to feel this wine a little bit. By the way, that steak was delicious. Tiger sauce is boss.  And make sure you marinade it overnight, too. That’s about all I can tell you. My wife makes it and it’s bomb. I make some delicious pork chops though. Maybe I’ll make a post with a recipe.

Hope everyone is having a great night. I’m going to watch this episode of ponies and finish my little bit of wine.

Laws About Bathrooms

I didn’t really want to get into the debate about these “bathroom bills” that certain states are passing because the idea should be so ridiculous that it shouldn’t be a debate. But I’m in a ranting mood, so here goes.

Every person in the world is born with different characteristics. Yes, they might look like their parents and have anger, happinesd, and all of those other emotions, but there are so many attributes that make a person unique.

I am not transgender. I will never fully understand what it feels like to be transgender. But I can kind of understand the idea of growing up and being influenced by society to be a certain way. The society I grew up in, a small city in Oklahoma, told me I would grow up and marry a man and be his wife and any other way was unthinkable and unacceptable. I grew up trying to be one person but knowing it was not the person I wanted to be.

So, I can imagine how mentally and emotionally straining it can be to someone who is born one person but feels deep inside that they are another. And if I am explaining this incorrectly, I apologize, and feel free to correct me.

To tell someone who was born a woman and is now a man that he has to use the female restroom makes no sense to me. People who support these laws suddenly feel as if they need to be protected from transgendered people because they might be predators preying on men, women, and children. Yet, before all of this bullshit, those same people have probably been in a restroom with someone who is transgendered at least once in their life and didn’t know and didn’t care. And you know why they didn’t know or care?

Because nothing criminal happened!

My question to these people- why the hell do you care now?

When I walk into a restroom, no woman rushes from the stalls and gives me crazy looks since, you know, I’m a lesbian and must try to hit on or rape women in the bathroom. No one in that bathroom gives a damn who I am and they move on with their lives. No one is uncomfortable or endangered.

There are horrible people in the world, I get it. But everyone should be worried about those people and not target people because of their race, gender, sexuality, etc. Please don’t support these “bathroom bills”, even if you don’t understand transgender people. Be with the progress of society, not the downfall  of it.

Speak Up

Since the Day of Silence was a couple of days ago, I feel obligated to write a little something about it. I practiced the day of silence my last year of high school and if I wasn’t always out of place in my school in Oklahoma, my participation dug the nail in that coffin.

The Day of Silence has a good message, but at the same time, I think we need to step away from silence as our form of protest. If you aren’t familiar with the Day of Silence, it’s a day of symbolism about how many LGBT youth (and adults) feel they cannot speak about their sexuality and the purpose of the campaign is to end this silence.

Since I last practiced the Day of Silence, being gay or lesbian was exactly a walk in the park (not saying it’s all sunshine and rainbows today but it’s gotten better). My wife (who was my girlfriend at the time), had to keep our relationship a secret so she could get into the military and had to continue doing so until they finally repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. We couldn’t get married in most places and even if we did, it wouldn’t have been recognized by the military until a few years ago because of where she was stationed.

But things are different now. And they aren’t pefect but they’ve gotten better. And being LGBT isn’t the stigma that it once was, although there are a lot of haters still- but the majority of those people are probably idiots anyway, so whatever.

We need to break this silence once and for all. I refuse to go back to the person I was. I refuse to hide who I am because it isn’t what some people find acceptable.

If you’re LGBT or even not sure if you are, talk to someone. It might be your parents or a friend. There are numbers you can call, there are groups out there to help you. Struggling with it alone is never the right option. I know from personal experience and it is still affecting my ability to communicate with the people closest to me today.

And I’m not going to tell you that once you come out and accept yourself, it’ll be easy. It might not be, and that’s why you need the support from the people that will help you and not make you feel like there’s something wrong with you.

Never feel like you’re all alone in your stuggle. Never feel like taking your life away is the answer to ending the pain and stress of not being accepted. And if you feel like you have no one at all to talk to and feel you can’t reach out to external resources like hotlines and auooort groups, talk to me. I’m not a professional, no, but I would never turn down the opportunity to try and help someone.

And if you’re reading this, please share. I never ask of that, but this is something that is very important and the more people it reaches, the more it might help.

National Coming Out Day

A little late to posting this. Today is an important day, even with so much changing for the better for the LGBQTI community. My coming out story is not a great one and came at a really crazy time in my life. But it happened and about five years later, it isn’t a decision I regret. For most of my life, I felt like I was someone else. I never felt like I belonged and I feared embracing my true feelings.

What I expected (which was worst-case scenario) was not case and I was fortunate. Some are alienated by their families, friends, communities, or worse. And I hope one day that things aren’t this way, that sexual orientation is just a piece of who we are and not a defining factor of whether someone will hire us, support us, or care about us.

Choose to love and understand. And if you don’t understand, try to or at least choose not to hate.

Am I being too overdramatic?

There’s been something bugging me this past weekend. I have tried many times to just ignore and pass it off as insignificant but I realize that maybe it isn’t insignificant and maybe I should be bothered.

Since both my wife and I work, we take our daughter to daycare. This has been the norm since April or May of last year. Overtime, Ella learned to say Mom and Momma, naturally, and she would call our daycare provider Mom, too. Okay, no big deal- she sees this woman as much as us most weeks.

For a while, Ella would also call our provider’s husband Dada, which wasn’t a big deal either because she had called me Dada in the beginning. Dada and Daddy finally phased out some months ago when she learned to differentiate between my wife and I (Momma and Mommy).

The other day I noticed Ella saying Daddy again after months of never uttering the word. I didn’t think anything of it until Friday. While we were picking up our daughter when she called our provider’s husband Daddy. This weekend alone, Ella has called my wife Daddy several times. And now I have to reintroduce Momma into her vocabulary, even though it was one of her first words.

Am I being ridiculous by being bothered by this?

I get that we’ll have to explain to our daughter one day that not all families are comprised of the same set-up of people, but I feel a little uncomfortable with my daughter calling either of us daddy if she’s old enough to know and understand who we are to her. And a part of me is feeling undermined by our provider for letting it become a thing again knowing how our family dynamic is.

How should I handle this? Or should I not be bothered by this at all?

A Story about Past and Present

Sometimes I get caught up thinking about the past. I think about the person I was before I moved out to start a new life with the woman I love. I think of the girl in high school so awkward and scared of her uniqueness to be her own person rather than another sheep in the flock. I think of the child first exposed to the idea of homosexuality and the fear that overcame her when she began to realize her feelings for people of the same sex. When I was in elementary school, I dreamed of a guy and although I could never make out his face entirely, he would frequent different dreams. And no matter the situation, I had this feeling- this longing for him each time. I had been raised on Disney movies and the idea that the handsome hero would always come to save the woman he loved and they would live happily ever after.

In middle school, one of my sisters found a best friend in a boy down the street who happened to be out and proud. My mother allowed the friendship but would always voice her concerns. I remember an argument they had in the car one day. I can never remember what my mom had said to my sister but my sister’s response was something about how my mother believed that all gay people went to Hell. Something about that argument, that revelation, stuck with me. I began to question whether I had normal feelings and worried about the possibility of being a lesbian. Although, at the time, I had crushes on boys in my grade, I think I knew deep down what I really felt.

In high school, it became harder to ignore what I felt. I developed crushes on one of my good friend’s girlfriends and exes and even had one on my best friend at the time. I had attempted to flirt and engage a relationship with a few but I was turned down again and again. It wasn’t until a few years later, that I actually accepted who I was and finally came out.

Today, some people I meet see coming out as something that isn’t much a big deal anymore. Others ask questions about it and some even ask for advice for themselves or someone close to them. To me, it is still important only because of the society we live in. Why we must feel compelled to have to announce and label our sexuality is beyond me, but we are still being convinced that it is necessary. I find myself more attracted to women than men and labeling myself a lesbian is a simple explanation of my feelings but I don’t think it is right to label attraction. I think we as humans are capable of loving anyone, we are just often led astray by ideas of sexual orientation and finding someone who likes all the same things we do. But love isn’t about all that. It is about being in a relationship, taking care of someone, supporting them, spending time with them, understanding them, and loving regardless of difference or characteristics.

Why does the 25-year-old still feel obligated to label a feeling of love? I am in love with a person and that’s all that really matter.

A Thought

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Marriage Equality in Oklahoma

HRC Marriage Center

The world is changing everyday. I never thought I would live to see the day same-sex marriage would be legally where I’m from. Although gays and lesbians in Oklahoma will still face challenges and ignorance, it is nice to
know the right is ours legally.

Now let’s get equality in the rest of the states.